If I were to ask you, “what’s the opposite of Love?”, would you reply Hate?
I think it’s a common (in my opinion, mistaken) belief that the opposite of love is hate. I’ve talked about love before, a long time ago (I may have to revisit that blog and maybe write an update…) but for now, I want to talk about Hate.
- Intense dislike (for)
- Strong aversion to
So…when you’ve loved someone so so much and then something happen and you stop loving them, do you hate them now? Do you really? Maybe at first yes, you’ll hate them with the same burning passion with which you loved them (and maybe more) but after a while, when time has passed and healed, when hurtful phrases have faded in the back of your mind, when memories of good and bad times are blurry, is it hate you feel?
I don’t feel hate, I feel indifference. A kind of apathy, a disregard for that person and anything related to them. You don’t feel anything when you see their favourite food, or when you stumble across a gift they gave you, it’s all just “meh”, “it was good, but it’s over and that’s ok.” Sometimes it takes a very long time to get to that state but I believe we can all reach it if we take things healthily and keep a cool head. And that’s why I don’t think Hate is the opposite of Love. Indifference is.
Now now, this isn’t the end of this blog. (After all it is in the “ramblings” section, can’t be shorter than 500 words amarite?) Feelings have always been a great mystery to me, I like to think I’m a logical and practical kind of person, so when I feel things, I like to know WHY; I need to know WHY, to validate those feelings, I have to understand why I feel the way I feel so that I can go on feeling that way (yeah that got complicated fast…my apologies, please stay with me)
Feelings like jealousy, envy, curiosity, like, dislike, betrayal, disappointment – these feelings I’ve got kinda figured out. I can understand why I, or someone else, might feel them. Sometimes it’s just personal preferences (Which can go back to childhood and upbringing etc…) and sometimes it’s because of something material. “I’m jealous of her coz she’s smart/pretty/has big boobs/has a nice life/has nice hair etc…” The list can go on and on for ever; and sometimes it’s to do with number 1 (That’s you. Or me…however you wanna see it), when someone does something you like, you like them, when they do something you didn’t expect you might feel disappointed, the closer they get to your “core”, your personal values and principles and the foundations of what makes you You, whichever way they go around those values (with or against) will lead to opposing yet equally strong reactions (in feelings) by you.
And this is where something contradictory happens. If you look at it this way, Hate CAN BE the opposite of Love. Allow me to give a nonsensical example.
If you love chips with a passion, chip loving is at the core of your being, it has a huge impact on your personality. You. Are. A Chip lover. Then someone comes along, π, and they love chips too. What happens? You love them. Because they love chips and you love chips and all this love is making me sick.
Now, µ comes along and they HATE chips, when they see a chip they karate chop it to the throat or break their neck and such evil awful things. What happens now? You hate them. As a chip lover you take it upon yourself to hate them on behalf of all the chips they have murdered and hated and looked at in disdain. ( I did warn this was a nonsensical example)
In this case Hate is the opposite of Love wouldnt you say? “opposite” events occurred and so “opposite” reactions (love and hate) happened.
Slight tangent: I don’t know if you read the blog about love, what I’m saying is that love isn’t like the other feelings I mentioned above (pride, betrayal, disappointment, gratefulness), in my humble and ignorant opinion, love is not just a mixture of those simpler feelings but those feelings2 or taken to whatever power you want to (I will admit now that I am a maths nerd).
Now for a less nonsensical example (if you haven’t left already). When someone make you feel many of those “simpler” positive feelings, after a while it adds up and you could well possibly love them. Just the same if someone keep betraying you or being mean to you or showing off, then you may dislike them and even hate them.
Urgh this is complete slug slime. I can’t go on writing this stuff when I don’t believe it. I don’t believe someone walks into your life and, depending on their actions, you’ll go towards love or hate as the only possible options.
I don’t believe that.
Unless you take everything seriously and want to constantly be emotionally invested into everything and hurt all the time. Regular humans don’t usually love or hate. If hate was the opposite of love, shouldn’t we hate as many things as we love?
Loving and hating are two very strong emotions, but hating is just a tad bit “more”… Not stronger, but more… work, more active feelings whereas love feels more passive (I’m not saying that you can passively hate someone – hello passive aggression my old enemy, or you can’t actively love someone – you know what I’m talking about) but it’s just that hate is MORE active, you have to keep up the hating otherwise it kinda just fades…
…AND FOR GOOD REASONS TOO. Hate is not healthy if taken just a slight bit too far. I’m not very good with details so I tend to try and avoid hate altogether so I don’t fall over into the abyss.
Hate isn’t the opposite of Love but at the same time it is. Just like love, Hate is a strong emotion, a negative one sure, but a strong one (And that’s the only “opposite” it has with love in my opinion).
When small, “simple” negative feelings keep piling up you’ll come to dislike that person and want to avoid them, but when someone you use to like, who made you feel happy and all those other “simple” positive feelings (and maybe even love) turn against you, you’ll feel hate. (as I mentioned at the beginning of this blog). Hate is love gone sour, hate is love going up in flame and when there’s no more love to burn then there’s no more hate.
So it’s not:
Apathy<<<<<<<<Dislike<<<<<<<<PERSON>>>>>>>>Like>>>>>>>>Love gjfn;lkgsfg HATE
Let’s stop hating, I’m 1 in not a billion, but SEVEN billions other humans, what makes me so special that nobody is allowed to hurt me? Or not get along with me? I don’t have to love everyone and everything, I don’t even have to dislike everyone and everything. It’s ok to just be neutral about most things, better to have lots of things in your “like” section and not too many in your “dislike”, have some carefully chosen ones in your “loves”. Don’t hate left, right and centre for no clear reason (or for stupid ones like fear). I try and hate specifically, not generally. I try not to group a bunch of people under one umbrella and hate all of them at once. I try to keep an open mind, to give everyone a change to tell their story, to explain themselves. I will NOT hate unconditionally. I will look for reasons, for explanations, and react in a as level headed way as possible and thus, I will be.